Next Generation Archives - call me pasturescott

Things I’d Say to a Teen-age Boy

TO: A young son in the faith
FOR: Introduction to manhood*
RE: My ’50-sense’ worth

Dear young man:

it is manly, healing and cleansing to cry
shake hands firmly while looking your counterpart in the eye
learn and remember names; the most beautiful sound a person hears is their own name being said back to them
write thank you notes for every good done to you, big or small; phone calls work also
hold doors for girls, and, oh heck, for everyone else why not?
never tell a girl “I love you” until you have clearance from the Lord she’s the one
seek the Lord’s counsel FIRST when you’re confused or doubtful on a matter; save others’ input until after you’ve sat a spell before Christ
live everyday so as to have a testimony of what the Lord has done for you/means to you
begin and end your day with prayers of thanks, even if you’re just breathing out a few words; ready thankfulness assures a revived heart daily
a young woman’s body is sacred; hands off; you must only view any female as Christ sees His bride
do something adventurous (outside your comfort zone) at least once a month; try something new regularly
take notes while you’re being given spiritual instruction; writing down the words is the quickest way to own them in your heart
keep a journal; if you only write a half a paragraph a day it’s worth it; write out a prayer once per week in your journal
stand out by taking care not to use foolish or vulgar words in your conversation; speak with integrity
may your word be trustworthy and honorable
if in doubt, don’t
learn to ask questions; it’s a sure-fire way to learn
choose your friends wisely; they must push you to grow in Christ; avoid unthankful, negative people; do not tolerate unkindness or arrogance
be an available friend, completely unselfish with your time and energy
show generosity to both God and your fellow man
volunteer regularly for ministries that bless the unfortunate
seek out a mentor (an older man) and let him walk out your faith with you (Dad, of course, but someone outside your family)
strive to learn something new from God’s Word every week
cultivate a desire to read; read a challenging book every six months (if not monthly)
return phone calls/texts promptly
be courteous to service staff in businesses and respectful to every adult
do not EVER harbor resentment or bitterness; get it dealt with quickly
be quick to say “I’m sorry” when you are at fault and never EVER tack a “but” onto the end of it
there’s no shame in trying; I say again: don’t be afraid to try new things; color outside the lines
you will fail, you will fall; expect at some point to be humiliated, but do not quit – it’s all part of learning the grace of maturity, so long as you don’t allow failures to define and/or hold you hostage
forgive QUICKLY when offended; do not make people have to jump through hoops for them to feel accepted with you once again
self-pride is an ugly wardrobe; think and act and respond in humility
share your faith with someone outside the faith every chance the Lord opens up a door of opportunity
read a classic at least once per year (your folks can help you identify some of the classics)
stand up for a weaker brother who needs defending, but turn the cheek when you are a victim (unless your life is in danger)
take a monthly sabbath alone with the Lord: a day, an overnight in the backyard, an afternoon; let it be a time for you to worship the Lord and renew your salvation
spend as much time in nature as you can
be on time; show up 5 minutes early to appointments
if employed, give reason for your boss to be impressed
eat well and healthy in your youth – you wouldn’t believe how it all catches up in your later years, and you want to be healthy for the Master until your days run out
pick up after yourself; don’t make someone have to remind you or, worse, go behind you cleaning up your messes
welcome suffering and hardship; praise God and trust His heart; there’s no holiness without hardship
don’t borrow your parent’s faith; lay claim to your own and live it passionately and with integrity
don’t try to be someone you’re not; find out WHO you are and know WHOSE you are and live out of that
treat young ladies with same respect you’d expect someone to treat your sister or your Mom
learn the basics of car maintenance
laugh five times a day
don’t use social media to post personal drama and don’t broadcast your entire life on FB and Instagram; leave some mystery and sacred space for your life
find something to like in everyone; don’t write anyone off – for ANY reason (doesn’t mean you have to be best friends, but show grace to everyone)
don’t waste your life; pursue Christ with every fiber, muscle and molecule of your being

That’s it.
Proud of you, young man.
Now, go have an amazing manhood!

For Christ and Kingdom,
Pasture Scott

* A friend recently asked me (and others) to offer some sage counsel to his twin boys, turning 13. Dad was taking them on a ‘manhood’ outing and wanted other men of influence to speak life into them via the written word. I’ve retooled what I shared with his boys for this post.

The Courage of a Young Lion

Watercolor artwork by Dylan Pierce (another one of my young lions!)

Over the past few years I’ve featured a “lion’s share” segment on my blog, providing a platform for the ‘young lions’ I’ve been privileged to mentor and father spiritually.
Today I share with you, my beloved readers, one of the great young men of his generation. Shawn Buck has been with me in the pride for a bit over a year and will soon be moving on from the den as God has called him away from us. Lord willing, Shawn will be leaving for Cape Town, South Africa for a two-year (or life-long?) commitment with the Ubuntu Football Academy.
I’m honored to serve on Shawn’s board but even more blessed to call him a son of the faith. This dude is as real as they come! In this post, Shawn bravely shares his greatest fight and offers hope in overcoming addiction to pornography. As the guys and I have discussed on numerous occasions, we don’t affix the slang “porn” too often because that has become a designation that makes it a culturally acceptable norm. To call it what it is – pornography – paints it in a more ‘graphic’ light, relegating it to it’s more insidious and self-destructive nature.
Thank you, Shawn, my son, for listening to Wisdom’s call and learning to pass by the “forbidden woman’s” house on the other side (Proverbs 7:4,5). I love you, courageous lion of God.

When I was 13 years old, I came across pornography for the first time. It led me down a destructive road of getting deeper and deeper into the world of porn, of continuously lusting after girls and after self-gratification. It led to incredible shame, gut-wrenching guilt, and loss of self worth. It destroyed relationships and it built a dependence on something that doesn’t satisfy. It led me to lie constantly to cover my tracks. It consistently brought me into a world I never dreamt I would be a part of.
It changed my life.
Lust and porn is a cruel drug. That isn’t just some saying. It acts the same way as cocaine by releasing large amounts of dopamine into your brain. The fact that it is so easy to get can make it more dangerous than cocaine, because you can keep your brain doped up for hours (fightthenewdrug.org). It truly is one of the most dangerous things on this earth.
Have you ever heard of a healthy marriage where either the husband or wife wishes they would have slept with more people or watched more porn?
No.
Lust and porn are damaging to our future relationships. There will be images you can’t get out of your mind, unfair expectations you will put on your spouse and even damage done to your own confidence.
I pray that people realize just how destructive lust and porn are. This isn’t just some harmless thing that everybody does. One, it is so degrading to women. Women are amazing and deserve to be held up and shown so much more respect than porn. It truly does alter your view of them subconsciously and starts to paint them as objects in your mind. Two, it plays a large role in human trafficking. Chuck Norris actually wrote an incredible article about that here (http://www.wnd.com/2013/11/porns-part-in-sex-trafficking/). And three, it ultimately hurts you by making you think that that’s what it should be like: by bringing down your confidence, and by taking something so beautiful as sex and making it a cheap, non-committal and perverse action between two random people.
I say all of this not to judge you, be pessimistic or throw hatred on you, but to convince some of you that this is not some cute pet to keep around and play with. It is a dangerous destructive lion just waiting to destroy you completely.
I wish so badly that I could sit here today and tell you that it is something that I’m free of and have victory over, but it’s not. I still have a sexual addiction that I struggle with daily. I have seen significant, positive change in my life with this sexual addiction, though, and that is the only reason I am able to open up enough to write this blog and share my story with you.
I want you to know that you aren’t the only one dealing with this. You haven’t gone too far and or done something too awful. You aren’t defined by your addiction and you can see freedom from it. I have tried every cure/fix there is: accountability partners, Internet filters, multi-step programs, books, and everything else under the sun, and can I tell you the only thing that has made a lick of change in my life? Honestly, Jesus.
I know that is going to turn someone off and I hope you continue to read because I’m going to tell you the difference between all of the things I’ve tried and Him.
He knows you’re going to mess up. He doesn’t guarantee that everything will be fixed after 5 easy payments. He understands exactly, let me say again, exactly what you are going through. Don’t get me wrong, he isn’t happy you are failing like this, and yet he takes you back anyways. You will never go too far, mess up too much or be too unworthy of his acceptance. He loves you and delights when you realize that you can do nothing but lean on HIM. That’s called dependence, and when you start to depend on something that can truly satisfy instead of the false hope of pornography, that is when you will start to see change.
That is my story. Here it is for the world to see and know about. I hope that one day you can open up about your struggles and share your story with people.
If you don’t know whom you can tell, my email is scbuck27@gmail.com. I would love to listen and help in anyway I can.
Thank you so much for listening to my story!
H/T to Karlye – one of our lionesses! – over at flower roots.com. Her layout is way better than mine anyhow. And more pictures.

Mind If I Brag?

My bragging rights persist, so please indulge me with this repost. It still rings true today. I love you, Dad. You’ll never know what the words “I’m proud of you” do to this heart of mine. I’m very proud to be your son.

My Dad can beat up your Dad.

Today is Father’s Day and I am reflecting on my one true example of fatherhood and, I can tell you, he’s got your Dad beat by a mile. Okay, so he only took me to White Sox games in the 60’s when they were awful instead of Cubs games as I was growing up on the south side of Chicago. And I never remember them winning. Not once. But I complained long enough that he took me to the north side one time to visit Wrigley Field when Fergie Jenkins was pitching.

And yes, the Cubbies won. 4-2. See? It made an impact on me. Dad did that.

Sure, it’s true that he worked for the phone company and they kept transferring him in the middle of the school year, making it hard to make new friends and easier as time went by to say bye to old friends. So what if I learned over time not to get too close to people. I did, in fact, learn to make friends quickly and my penchant for cave-dwelling has turned me on to spending long hours shut away with God (a ‘plus’ in ministry) and learning though other friends may come and go, He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Yeah, my stinking memory still holds onto the ONE time he looked so disappointed in me after a little league game where I had muffed a pop fly and caused us to lose a big game, amid all the other times he praised me in all things big and small and taught me the art of encouragement. Sorry, Dad. I did get over that a long time ago, and the fact of the matter is, I was kind of a goof at baseball. Thanks for all those years of leaving work early to pick me up from basketball practice and for rarely missing any of my games. You rock.

I say again, my Dad can beat up your Dad.

He’s a study in meekness and gentleness. He’s one of the kindest men you will ever meet. Many have been the times I’ve heard it said of my Dad that “he’s so cute.” Yeah, he kinda is. He’s just a short man but he stands head and shoulders above most. He’s also the youngest looking 81 year old you’ll ever know. And he doesn’t drive like an old man, which is always nice. ‘Tis true he has more hair than I do and in MUCH better shape but the one thing about my Dad that I can honestly say I have never known him to do is make fun of anyone. You won’t hear put-downs from his mouth. He builds up. He doesn’t tear down. And I have never, ever felt degraded by him.

Thanks, Dad. You rock.

And another thing. This man I am talking about? This man who is my Dad? Well sir, I’ve never seen a man love a woman like he loved my Mom. Throughout their almost fifty years together, right up to her passing from a three-month battle with cancer, he put her first every time. Not before God, mind you, but her needs always came before his own. The man’s a saint, I tell you.

There’s a whole litany of things I could say to honor my Dad but all of them would fall way short of the one thing that has stood out in my memory above all others. Growing up in my house, you always knew where Dad would be before the sun rose on his day: at the breakfast table with an open Bible and bowed head. His life has always been a worship to His Lord. And because of his devotion, his life has the mark of integrity on it. Before there was PromiseKeepers, he was the mold for what a promise-keeper should look like. I never knew him to leer at another woman or cheat God with the tithe or shirk his work responsibilities. They don’t make ’em like Dad anymore.

My Dad can beat the tar out of yours.

Dad was a great provider, a committed husband, a kind father and he showed me it’s never out of place for a grown man to cry, indeed it is quite masculine—all these things, yes, but there will never be a more bold statement over his life than that sweet head bowed in a fixed amen to the Holy Book that shapes every moment of his life.

All which has me asking: How?

He didn’t grow up in a Christian home. He never received much in the way of love from his Dad or stepmom, and yet he filled my sisters’ and my life with it in abundance. Man, it just leaves me shaking my head. Here’s to you, Dad, with love. Thank you for being Jesus to me with skin on.

Sylvester Stallone still has one more Rocky to write: YOU are the Rocky Balboa of Dads.