I’m dedicating this post to the grandest
of earthly companions,
my wife,
who’s gone everywhere with me
since the start.
Thank you, Gracious Lord,
for the gift of Sandy.
You know how much I needed her.
Today marks 40 years I’ve been a paraplegic. That’s ten years from ‘Jubilee’ if you’re keeping score, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to party like it’s 2031.
Much of this blog site is dedicated to sharing my journey through disability and how God has faithfully shepherded me through it all. For 40 years I’ve been one of his broken sheep, hind legs dragging, but he has been my Good Shepherd. He coaxes and carries me along, through valley and vale, all the way home.
I’m now in my 60s, a far bleating from 21 when I still had youthful vigor and a ready-to-take-it-on bearing. Now I consider a good day when a Carolina wren or hummingbird comes to the feeder. I do other stuff too, but birds are my party jam these days. And I never tire of it.
We were going on a two-week road trip to the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago but somebody ended up in the hospital. [Me, I’m somebody.] It was going to be a celebration of life, milestones reached, and a long-time dream come true. And then somebody got a kidney stone, went septic, and nearly died. I’m still holding that against him.
Anyway, can you imagine a wheelchair on those ridges and cliffs?
Of course we scouted out the park before our proposed departure date, taking special note of the accessible views and attractions but still found them limited. While the national parks system tries to ensure everyone has a memorable time, the fact is there are lots of trails and views which folks with physical limitations can’t experience. Those spots aren’t for the feint of heart, however. Some are downright perilous. The narrow trails and sheer drop-offs are enough to give the most experienced hikers pause. But, oh the payoff!
For four decades I’ve been given views of God’s grace that make me shudder inside. I’ve heard the voice of the Grand Shepherd singing over me as I’ve fed in green pastures, played beside babbling brooks, and softly slumbered by quiet streams.
He’s faithfully stood by and helped to navigate me over treacherous terrain and through starless nights of the soul. I’ve clapped my hands over my mouth — too many times to count — being witness to his magnificent mercies. He’s been so grand to me!
His love is the Grand Canyon and I’m an ‘able-bodied’ man standing on the pinnacle of the South Rim, watching the sun rise every day bringing with it new mercies and fresh grace. He takes me places I’ve never dreamt possible. Tenderly, he’s fed me from rations of sweet manna for forty years.
Jesus and me, we’ve crested such heights and plumbed depths so low you’d grow old before your time. He unfolds deep mysteries of sacred spaces and teaches me my life is a miracle.
Here is where I need to hit pause. None of this is because I’m special or his favorite. Even this has been all of grace. You’ve read enough of my journey by now to know these forty years have been a gift. I wouldn’t trade a day for anything I might have scripted for myself when i was 21. All praise to him.
Turns out, Sandy and I could’ve gone on the trip anyway as I’d pretty much recovered and begun to feel normal again. But COVID escalations in some of our trip’s plot points, added to my weakened immune system, and we were seeing yellow flags. So we’ve chosen to wait.
Herein lies another lesson of the broken road: disappointments down here remind us we are not supposed to feel entirely at home. The late Clive S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” Amen, Clive. The wait will be worth it all. So we wait in faith.
I’m living in Grace Canyon. My disability has been his mercy’s vaccine against a wasted life and I take my daily medicine with, at times, a pinch of salt. Sometimes it can be hard to swallow but it’s always what I need. I trust my Grand Physician. He knows best.
My sister texted me and asked what I’m doing to celebrate 40 years. Here’s what I’ll be doing: dancing on the rim of Mercy Rock and soaring skyward as the God of Grace meets me — yet again — with healing in his wings. Today marks 40 years but it feels more like ‘The Year of Jubilee.’ It’s been quite a trip.
Selah, beloved.
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