I detest certain aspects of my disability, and number 3 with a bullet is when things fall off my lap. Keys, books, bowl of cereal, whatever. Oh, how I hate it! Recently, another item of immediate need took a header off the side of my leg and I just expelled a blast of disgusted air as it lay on the floor a full six inches from my outstretched arm. I didn’t cuss but dark and twisted words formed a multiple choice quiz in my mind. I selected ‘e’, none of the above, and wrote in my own on a blankety-blank line—you know the kind: more cultivated forms of popular expression, leaving off the more artful consonant or digraph. You know, just to make it christian.
It was then the hot blade of conviction slipped between my ribs and struck a vital organ. For good measure, the steel that was forged in the fires of Mordor twisted a bit as it went in.
Ever happen to you?
Salt followed the blade and poured like Morton’s umbrellaed girl into the open wound and I yelped like holy blazes!
“Instead of clucking your tongue, sighing disgustedly and contorting your face as if this was the worst trial in the history of man, why not try praising Me?”
Hezekiah 19:11 (also quoted in the apocryphal book of Goober)
He caught me in mid-angst-expression, and I was holding the proverbial stolen cookie in my hand. The Voice-turned-CSI flipped a switch and my mind became a filing cabinet of collected evidence, drawer after drawer opening on hanging folders chock full of similar events, complete with video clips of what I said and did in all those same circumstances previously. A pattern! It was embarrassing and I started pulling up fig leaves like underroos over my mental parts. Which was pretty silly when you think about it. Continue reading Praise You In The Pits

