God’s Job

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“Are you still holding to your God?” she blurted.

The question, so venomously delivered, floored him both in its substance and tenor.

A pause. A pestering fly buzzed and lit, and with a grotesquely misshapen hand, like the rest of him, he swatted at it and instantly recoiled as the motion shot pain traveling down the bone of his boil-covered forearm.

His wife’s dark-chocolate eyes were a mix of pity, disgust and desperation and they held onto his own in unapologetic defiance.

Then, over lips cracked and oozing from painful blisters, were dislodged a brief salvo of words, measured but molten nonetheless, meant not to injure but correct.

“Woman!”

A wracking cough.

“Wife!” he chuffed, liquid pooling in his eyes, “even in the whirlwind He is still God!”

She opened her mouth as though to protest but no words could be conjured. Instead, she balled her fists until they were whitened from blood-loss, the skin over the knuckles stretched as tautly as they dare, and she swung them downward in a violent arc as she collapsed on folded legs. She landed with such force her knees were bloodied by bits of rock and force and, simultaneously, a cloud of dust went up as the sides of her fists pummeled that sad patch of earth again and again.

Her husband reached for her imploringly, but every movement spilled fire throughout his ravaged body. As he stooped lower to the ground more pustules opened along his spine causing milky fluid to spurt and run then coagulate with other rivulets of ooze. No position was comfortable, no shift in posture without serious repercussions. Some boils had burst and the viscous discharge began to dry-cake over large sections of his body, yet still he struggled to kneel beside the love of his heart. By then her face held a layer of chalky dust, through which the streaks of tears etched pitiful lines across and around her sallow cheeks.

Down there, in the ash, beside his wife, the broken man cried silently. Aside from the Great Cosmic Truth, he had no answers for their recent downturn of events and his pulverized soul was dying by degrees.

A horrifically Perfect Storm had converged on husband and wife in a single day and changed them forever. No inner resource imaginable could be summoned to counteract the briny poison they tasted as they helped each other up from wobbly knees. In a still-recent scene, both pairs of red-rimmed eyes willed the freshly dug graves to suddenly, somehow tremble and their ten resurrected children break through the tender, packed soil.

If only…

And not just their offspring but most of their household as well, silenced by marauding terrorists, their souls cut off with unspoken words henceforth trapped in their throats. In the melee of catastrophe, all was lost: household, livestock, wealth – their very subsistence! – ripped from their clutches! All that remained were fields of blood, the flotsam of tragedy, plumes of hellish smoke, ashes of heartache. The aftermath. And all this in a single day.

That was yesterday.

In the early morning of a sleepless night, a veil of unnatural blackness passed over the piteous man’s body and his skin prickled as fear squeezed his spirit.

What’s this — ?

The chill quickly gave way to a blazing fever that produced head-splitting pyrotechnics of fire and lightning. Instantly, his hands went to his head and the stultifying discovery of even more rising boils, these more monstrous than what earlier plagued him. In the light of a revived oil lamp he was literally watching as blister after blister began bubbling all up and down his arms. He clawed at his nightshirt as the pus-filled eruptions spread across his torso and brought multiplied agonies.

Oh, my God in heaven — !

By the first rays of dawn, there was not a single inch of his body that was not ravaged by festering boils. From crown to sole, he was tormented. Terrors invaded his mind and he knew only death could bring relief but death was obstinately elusive. Tortured to the point of wracking sobs of which he had no control, he sought comfort from the only human touch available, but she was closed in by her own grief.

Incredulous that her husband would persist in persistent worship of the One she held responsible, ire burned deep within, tempered only by despair and guilt. At one point, holding rags of gelatinous blood from her helpmate’s sores, she shut down completely and removed herself from the stink of the room and sloughed heavy-heeled out into the stale, rancid air, each step taking her lower to the ground until her body fell in a heap twenty paces from the front fold of their tent. She lay there, in the dirt, motionless.

The candle of her once-bright spirit had flickered out; all life, save the doleful beating of her heart, had begun its slow, mournful descent into hades.

A single slit of light from the tent-fold shone like a thin, glowing sword on the floor as the broken man gathered himself for the silent pilgrimage where his unsightliness and suffering would be shielded from view and his groanings well out of ear-shot. Yard by agonizing mile he shuffled and struggled, distancing himself from his wife who lay face-down, crumpled in suspended shock, arms stretched and hands clawing at the ash.

At the outer edge of all that was once familiar and pastoral, on the outskirts of the main settlement, were the dumping grounds, where a pit of fire burned refuse day and night.

Here, he could wail.

Here, he could formulate his arguments.

Here, he could make his final altar to his God, whom he clung to for dear life and, if necessary, to its bitterest end.

As the sun baptized itself beneath the craggy horizon, a pitiful silhouetted figure of a patriarch, a dark smudge against the monochromed dusk, bowed atop a heap of ash and worshipped Elohim with the music of broken shards of discarded refuse scraping against his diseased flesh, taking great care not to curse deity with his blistered lips.

And thus it is that this greatly suffering servant of Elohim soon discovers his great value to the Almighty and wealth that has little to do with ledgers and portfolios.

Days?

Weeks?

Longer? (Who knows?)

Months? Probably not months. The Trial of Yob was underway and his Character Witness had not shown up to take the stand on the defendant’s behalf. There was, however, a team of deftly-trained prosecutors who postured themselves on the opposite side, tilting the courtroom floor on the wizened merits of their own arguments. Back and forth it went, each round-robin of questioning getting more and more aggressive and viciously personal, but the lone man Yob maddeningly (for them) deflected each diatribe and proudly held his ash-laden ground.

How obscene that a man of such inarguable distinction should suffer such relentless and ignominious persecution and proverbial salt-rubbing! How unkind their condescensions! Was there no end to their delusions that they would be hand-picked by the Almighty to protect the honor of His Name?

While these self-promoting sages wrestled their opponent with predictable wisdom and quasi-rational rhetoric, the beaten-down man sought audience with Higher Counsel and Transcendent Revelation, so, at times, the gallery (you and I) catch him in a different dimension almost, the dronings of The Three becoming a collective mist dissipating against the rising warmth of Yob’s impassioned appeals to a Majestic-Though-Silent Cosmic Court.

“I cannot see You!” he barks to the heavens, “but I know You can see me!”

A couple of flies strafed the pitiful patriarch, who had barely enough strength to swat them away anymore, by which they lit again and again, having no decency to stay away from the victimized man. Yob’s red-rimmed eyes lowered in resignation. He sighed.

Then, marvelously and mysteriously, his slumping head raised again as he sucked in a half-lungful of steamy air. Summoning strength he did not have and, with lowered voice, formed his next words with great care.

“And I know this…”

A series of choking coughs.

“…I know…”

Another brittle, cracked cough.

“…He knows I will come through this…”

A corresponding, but very weak wave of a ruined arm.

“…like…like…”

A spasm of pain, drawing a deeply pained expression.

“…like…gold.”

This is my story, this is my psalm…

Thirty-one October 2nd’s have now gone by since the accident that put me in a wheelchair. I cringe whenever I reference it as an “accident” as it was anything but. However, human nature being what it is, we like to classify things in terms we can wrap our heads around. To say my fall from a cliff while 17 other people stood as witnesses was happenstance is a miscarriage of truth. The truth is, God – Jehovah-shammah – was there.

And He was actively involved.

He didn’t enter the scene in the aftermath, like an EMT, but was overseeing and overruling the event as it unfolded. Try and wrap your head around that, why doncha?

Did He, then, shove me off the precipice?

Or did He stand aside and let it happen?

I know how we quantify His ways often by saying God “allows” things but doesn’t cause such things. I’ve said it often myself – and on most levels I believe in His permissive will. But we say it like it’s almost a passive will, that He looks at the evil that comes against us and says, “I wish I could stop you but my hands are tied.”

Okay, okay, yes He chooses to tie His hands as He did when His Son was being tortured and brutalized. That’s not my point. I somehow (somehow?) believe that evil set its design upon me 31 Octobers ago and asked for a warrant from the Judge of the Highest Court to tamper with me. The Almighty said, “Proceed” but did something far greater than step aside and let it happen.

He was there.

I said God was actively involved and I believe this is how: Isaiah the prophet encouraged the people of God with the promise,

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. – Isaiah 43:2-3

He told them the LORD would “uphold them with His right hand” (41:10) and I, personally, have been struck by the words I have long since felt the psalmist wrote just for me:

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand. – Psalm 37:23-24

When the Almighty granted permission for my, shall we say, incident, I believe He added the caveat: “devil, you cannot kill him, cause any brain injury or completely sever his spinal cord. You may make My child a paraplegic, but no worse!”

I then believe God dispatched His angel-ministers to make certain His legislations were carried out.

If you interviewed many of the eighteen college friends that were gathered at Fort Bluff in Dayton, Tennessee that night, more than a few would probably say that over all, prior to my headlong jettison from that bluff (a height of barely 20 feet, thank the Lord), the night was memorable for all the right reasons: the mild temps, sunset over the Pocket Wilderness, the perfectly cooked steaks, the meaningful conversation, etc.

And yet…and yet…

Nothing anyone could up to that point put their finger on, but something felt…well…cockeyed.

What we couldn’t see in those hours between arrival, setting up camp, cooking and eating and cleanup, then the ambulance carting me away, was the open hostility in the heavenlies, where angels and demons stood their ground, the enemy determined to kill me and the heavenly beings determined to not let him.

God was anything but passive. Far from giving the devils free reign and making me open game, He was present and presiding and, as my body tumbled over the edge of that old rugged bluff, He did for me what He didn’t (by choice) do for His only begotten Son – intervene. Aren’t you deliriously joyful that there will never, ever be another son or daughter of God’s for which He will never intervene ever again? That He will always be present in our sufferings and afflictions?

They found me waking from unconsciousness with my head perched on a stone, however, the only mark on my head was a gash above my left eye where a scar still remains. My head wasn’t split open, my brain wasn’t damaged. I wasn’t a quadriplegic. My spinal cord wasn’t severed (although the enemy did everything to it just short of). And I wasn’t dead.

Thirty-one October 2nd’s later and I’m very much alive, with a quality and purpose of life I delight in, the Father is glorified in, and the devil despises (which is just fine with me). To His grace and glory, I’ve never come close to cursing God and taking my life. Every day I awaken I’m acutely aware of something I never much paid attention to those 21 years I lived on healthy legs: the strong Hand of God – His right Hand, He says – holding me up, carrying me when I require it, and hastening me on for another go. Every day, every season, every mile…until I am perfect – just like the One who made me.

“THOUGH HE FALL,
(I) SHALL NOT BE CAST HEADLONG
FOR THE LORD UPHOLDS (MY) HAND.”

Update on Scott

Blessings to all of you. Sorry for the delay in reporting but yesterday (Thurs) was a bit overwhelming.  surgery went well.  Dr. Simon took out 6 pounds of scar tissue & bad “junk” from his hip area (I really didn’t think he had anything left), did the wash and then a muscle flap to replace what was taken out, then sewed him up.  He did great but when they got back him back to his room his blood pressure bottomed out & they coded (red) him. It was a mixture of things that they say caused the “perfect storm” for him.  His blood loss was substantial and it was his third major surgery in 5 weeks.  They gave him four units on the table, four more through the night last night.  He was also dehydrated which happens when you have that loss of blood & surgery, etc. so they gave him 15 ltrs (bags) of iv fluids through the night.  His body temp was 95 which also caused problems.  BUT, all that to say they were amazing here.  Within 10-15 seconds of coding, the ICU nurse was there  with the equipment, the dr was there immediately, they got him going but I will say it was rather scary because he wasn’t responding to them or me or anything.  He said he could hear us, but he couldn’t say or do anything.  I may be a novice on coding, but his regular nurses were all upset, and have been visiting him today and telling him he can’t scare them like that again.  The recusitating machine is still at the foot of his bed with the case opened & the electrode gel ready….but he is stable.  His blood pressure is too low so they are administering Dopamine & that can only be done in ICU.  It is rising slowly but not consistent yet.  Great news on several fronts though.

Kidneys were normal yesterday (which was amazing), but they are excellent today.  They were afraid because they pumped so much fluid in him that kidneys couldn’t handle it, that his heart & lungs would fill up, but heart was checked this am & is excellent and it and his lungs are clear. Respiratory therapist just came in & said lungs are great & they are decreasing his oxygen.  Yippee.  He hadn’t eaten in over two days, so they were pushing him at dinner.  He ate half an egg salad sandwich (yuk) & some grapes & has kept it down….He is fairly miserable but is doing ok. He will probably be in ICU until Monday because of the many areas they are monitoring.  I can tell a big difference even since I got here this morning.  OH, I almost forgot.  They did a blood draw at 6 pm & there is no need for transfusions (PTL).

Your prayers were felt & treasured.  Through everything, there was such peace & HIS presence.  Even though I puked (no nice way to say it). I was sick with a sore  throat fever & took a sinus pills on an empty stomach & publicly emptied said stomach at the nurses station.  28 years of this & I have never been sick while he was in crisis.  Oh well…..they said I did it quietly & quickly & then all was well.  We are both much better today.  He still has a long recovery, but hopefully, we are heading in the right direction.

I came upon a Kay Arthur quote before this latest chapter in the continuing saga of Scott’s health, and I made a note of it because so many people have been asking me how we cope, or what is God doing, or why didn’t he answer our fasting & praying for Scott’s healing, how do you get back up when you’ve been knocked down? I don’t pretend to have the definite answer, but I know  God had been patiently prodding me for the last several years in all areas of my life that I couldn’t change or control the outcome, or fix it, to trust in His Sovereignty, but also in His unfailing love for me.  That said here is the quote, “no other truth has sustained me through all my trials like the reality of God’s sovereignty. Everything that comes into our lives is filtered through God’s fingers of love.”  I have been trusting His Sovereignty in things that were little (which I thought were big at the time), and now it is a joy to wait & see what He’s doing with our lives while we are here at Shepherd watching the tapestry created above being revealed one stitch at a time below.

All our Love & Appreciation Scott and Sandy