Sacred Cows And Goats

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Once upon a time I was a college student at a strict fundamental Baptist university and on one particular evening in the Fall of 1978 I was actually even studying. Or trying to. Sitting at my desk beneath the stark glare of a flourescent bulb, I was tapping my pen on a spiral notebook. It dawned on me I was tapping in rhythm with a bass beat coming through the cinderblock wall from the other side. I leaned into the wall and listened more closely. No, it couldn’t be! Not at this college!

Rock music.

The ire rose within. In that defining moment, it was apparent that something must be done before the integrity of the school would be buried in a mudslide of evil. It was incumbent upon me to stand in the gap and defend her honor! So I threw on a robe and stuck my feet in some flip flops and marched next door. Their door was open and I sardonically observed the room was full of guys, so I entertained the thought of living to fight another day, but it was too late. I was already spotted.

“C’mon in!” Brad waved.

How could I? I would be complicit with evil! “No, thanks, but could you guys turn down the music? I’m trying to study. Better yet, turn it off.”

“Turn it off?” his big, brawny weightlifter roommate Jim was puzzled.

“Yeah. You know…we’re not supposed to listen to…”

“To what?” the room was beginning to turn on me real fast. I had gone this far. Might as well take it the distance.

“Rock music!”

The room erupted in raucous laughter. “Rock music? Rock music? You gotta be kidding! This is the Imperials. They’re a Christian group,” Brad informed me.

“But it’s got a beat. It’s wrong…” I pleaded for their souls. The mood of the room told me I would get no penitent sinners at the altar of invitation on this night. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Why couldn’t I have just reported them to the dorm supervisor? And here I was, a freshman, standing up to two seniors. Whatever got into me?

Balance that night against what happened to me just the other night. I was on the internet and came across a page endorsing a Christian book, a best-selling book, and when I saw the author’s name, I said to myself, “It couldn’t be…” Not Brad! Surely not…But as I investigated further, I discovered it was one and the same, and not only had my buddy Brad turned into an influential writer for church reformation but he was also the senior pastor of a church up north where 13,000 parishioners gathered each weekend for worship. It was the fastest growing church in the state!

I’ve considered jetting Brad an email, telling him I am sorry for my overzealous judgment on that fateful night long ago, that I’ve changed, that the Imperials are tame compared to what I listen to now, but since I’ve not written a book and my church averages below 200, he probably wouldn’t remember me. Or care. And maybe that’s a good thing. I’d just as soon have the memory of that Bay of Pigs incident forgotten forever.

Oops, too late. I just told you.

From the Mouths of Babes…

Our church just completed ten full days and nights of round-the-clock prayer leading up to the Global Day of Prayer on Pentecost Sunday.  In the spirit of what these days have meant, I thought I'd share some prayer humor–from the perspective of little children:

UNANSWERED PRAYER?

The preacher's five-year old daughter noticed that her father always paused just before he delivered his sermon.  One day she asked him why.

"Well honey," he explained, blessed that his young daughter was so observant about spiritual things, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she inquired innocently. (Ouch!)

BEING THANKFUL

A pastor asked a precocious little boy, "Your Mommy says your prayers for you each night?  Very commendable.  What does she say?"

"Thank God he's asleep."

TIME TO PRAY

A minister asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

"Yes sir," the boy replied.

"And do you pray to the Lord in the daytime?"

"Naw," the child responded, "cause I ain't skeered in the daytime!"

THE BLESSING

My wife invited several people to dinner one evening.  Just before the meal, she turned to our six-year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"  "I wouldn't know what to say," our little girl said shyly.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say."

"Okay…" she said, then bowed her head.  "Dear Lord, why did I invite all these people to dinner?"

BEWARE OF TRASH

One pre-schooler prayed: "…and forgive our 'trash baskets' as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." 

SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having dinner over at Grandma's house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.  When Johnny received his plate, he began eating right away.

"Johnny, wait until we've said the prayer," his mother said.

"I don't have to," he replied around a mouth full of food.

"Yes you do, young man," his mother insisted.  "We always pray before our meals at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny reasoned.  "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"

What say you pray with your children tonight?  You never know what gems they'll come up with!